Hunger and the Fat Food Shopper

I sit down and plan my week’s menus, then dutifully make out my weekly food shopping list.  We’re on a tight budget at my house, and it’s the only way to keep me from bringing home every Twinkie and frozen pizza I can get my hands on.

That was last night.

This morning I got up and had my coffee and farted around the house checking email, watching TV and being lazy.  By the time I actually made it to the grocery store, I was hungry enough to eat liver.

And for me to eat liver, I have to be mondo, uber, sooper dooper hungry.  I’m talking bear-like.  It’s not pretty.

So I was pretty hungry.  I started out being the Good Terri that I always aspire to be.  That lasted down the produce and soda aisles.  About that time, Bad Bad Terri jumped on my shoulder and said, “Let’s rock this mutha.”

I’m not sure what that means, but I blame it on Bad Bad Terri.   She gets me in a lot of trouble.

But back to my story…

So, I picked up speed with my shopping cart and whizzed right past the items on my list……tomato sauce, canned vegetables, soup.   I rounded the corner on two wheels and “Behold the Awesomeness”!  There before me was the crackers, cookies and cakes aisle.  Oh lordy, I was going to “hell in a hand basket”, as my Mom used to say.  I started loading up my cart with anything sugar coated, cream puffed, cream filled, lemony, chocolaty, with nuts, without nuts, with icing, without icing, and plain donuts, too.

My breathing became shallow and I broke  into a sweat.  I made it to the end of the aisle just in time. My cart was full.

And then…..

A wonderful, BBQ…ish smell drifted right smack up my nose, and like a cartoon character, my feet lifted off the floor, and I literally floated all the way over to the Deli counter.   And there they were, glistening, inside the case.  The most beautiful BBQ ribs I’d ever seen.  It was a magical moment.

I ran back to my cart, hurdling an old lady, a seeing-eye dog and two toddlers.   I needed to make room for those ribs.  I needed to make a decision.  What should I get rid of?    This was too easy!  Those plain donuts of course!   Everything else had to stay.  I was not parting with those Twinkies and nobody was going to make me.  I had a need for a Twinkie.  If you know what I mean.  You’ve all been there, right?  Am I right?   I know I am.

So, I made some room in my cart for those bodacious ribs and wheeled on over to the Deli counter to make my ribs purchase.  OH MY GOD.  They were gone.  No ribs!  In fact, the BBQ smell was gone!

IN FACT, the beautiful Deli was gone!

And then I woke up. 

Not really.  I’m just kidding.  I’m a kidder.

But I did have a similar dream where I was ravenous in the grocery store.  However, in that dream, those Twinkies went home with me.

Message or Moral of this wacked out story?   Well I have two.

  1.       Never go to the grocery store when you are hungry.
  2.       Send a skinny person to do your food shopping.

(Images from Google Images)

36 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. k8edid
    Nov 13, 2011 @ 13:25:42

    Amen. Love this post. I send my husband who sticks strictly to the list (no imagination!!)

    Reply

    • tsonoda148
      Nov 13, 2011 @ 21:53:27

      I keep telling my partner we need to Rent-A-Husband to take care of those kinds of things, but so far she’s not buying it. Dang.

      Reply

  2. Eva Gallant
    Nov 13, 2011 @ 13:34:03

    I send my husband, but he can be bad, too! I just can’t win!

    Reply

    • tsonoda148
      Nov 13, 2011 @ 21:55:01

      Eva, being bad’s not all that bad. Sometimes it’s fun. I’ve had some of my most fun times being bad. But I won’t go there. Today. hehe

      Reply

  3. Ally
    Nov 13, 2011 @ 13:35:07

    Awesome. Laughing with total understanding. I follow ALLY’S GROCERY SHOPPING RULE #1 – never, ever enter the grocery store while even remotely hungry unless blowing my list and good intentions is the result I am looking for. I have been known to impulse buy some bizarre stuff when hungry. (Twinkies is not one of them, but hey, we all have our weaknesses 🙂 For the record, Rule #2 is never go grocery shopping when stuffed from a giant meal, nauseous or only craving tomato soup. My family will starve that week when I come home with one tiny bag of groceries.

    Reply

    • tsonoda148
      Nov 13, 2011 @ 21:57:47

      But that’s what Pizza Delivery is for. And Chinese Delivery, too. Those times when the family is starving. Just order in. It fixes everything. 😛

      Reply

  4. My Inner Chick
    Nov 13, 2011 @ 14:12:59

    **. By the time I actually made it to the grocery store, I was hungry enough to eat liver.**

    :::funny::

    What a beautiful dream, Terri. I smell the barbecue. Ahhhhhhhhh. My ass loves it.

    Was Jlo in the grocery store, too.

    –blowing kisses ))))

    Reply

    • tsonoda148
      Nov 13, 2011 @ 21:59:22

      Kim, you know how my character Katy has her imaginary friends? WELL, JLo is my imaginary friend. Her, a bottle of merlot and my trusty @#4%5$ and I’m good to go. (snort) LMAO

      Reply

  5. breezyk
    Nov 13, 2011 @ 15:07:33

    haha the best is when you get home, after the buzz wears off, and you are looking at all of the things you’ve bought thinking, what in the hell was I thinking?? I find most of the time I don’t even want it once I have it- it’s just the act of buying junk is so irresistible!

    Reply

    • tsonoda148
      Nov 13, 2011 @ 22:00:45

      Hello and thanks for stopping by my place! We’re a friendly and nutty bunch here. And as for not even wanting the junk I buy? if only….. I like it all. LOL

      Reply

  6. cuhome
    Nov 13, 2011 @ 15:27:54

    Funny, so funny! So universal, too (I think).

    Reply

  7. Karla Telega
    Nov 13, 2011 @ 18:37:29

    Normally, I’m opening cracker boxes, peeling ice cream wrappers, and ripping candy bags with my teeth before I reach the car. Oh, the humanity!

    Reply

    • tsonoda148
      Nov 13, 2011 @ 22:03:15

      My kinda girl. Ah to live life to the fullest! Or is that “Live life AT your fullest?” I forget….. LMAO

      Reply

  8. Vidya Sury
    Nov 13, 2011 @ 20:07:28

    I hate grocery stores that have delis. Bad ’nuff one has to make tough decisions – but how miserable when all those smells come wafting by. Incidentally, the route I take to my son’s school and back has three traffic light stops. Of these, one is bang opposite a huge bakery. Enough said.

    Reply

    • tsonoda148
      Nov 13, 2011 @ 22:05:15

      Ohhhhhhhhh Bakeries. My idea of how heaven must be. Fluffy. Sweet. And Deliciously Aromatic. yummmm

      Reply

  9. littlepatti
    Nov 14, 2011 @ 11:07:25

    The reason your blog is so popular is that we all have the same “urges”-You just describe it better than we can.
    By the 2nd sentence…I’m snorting “that’s me, that’s me”.
    A couple of years ago I borrowed my daughter’s bread machine for a few weeks… I gained 20 lbs.

    Reply

    • tsonoda148
      Nov 14, 2011 @ 11:15:25

      Thanks Patti. As my sons will tell you, I write like I talk. It probably gets pretty annoying in person. LOL Oh yes, the bread machine. I had a love affair with one a few years back. I didn’t even get on the scale, but I’m sure it wasn’t pretty.

      Reply

  10. sherri
    Nov 14, 2011 @ 13:08:35

    lmao. I love yout posts. You can even make grocery shopping sound fun. How do you do it????? I hate grocery shopping. I need to get with you on the organization, sounds like I might be able to learn something from you.
    **hugz**
    Sherri

    Reply

    • tsonoda148
      Nov 14, 2011 @ 18:26:26

      Come on out to Vegas. We’ll go grocery shopping. OK maybe not. But we will find some delicious margaritas somewhere I’m sure. Hugs!

      Reply

  11. Julie Gardner
    Nov 14, 2011 @ 14:10:31

    I loathe grocery shopping. Loathe.

    I love to eat and don’t mind cooking, I just want someone to bring me the ingredients while I stay here in my house.

    And then I feel like a spoiled princess saying that.
    Which is another reason to loathe the grocery store.

    So to make myself feel better, I’m going to go raid my kids’ Halloween candy bags.
    I’d better not find any pretzels in there…

    Reply

    • tsonoda148
      Nov 14, 2011 @ 18:30:15

      You know what I hate most about grocery shopping? Carrying all those bags up 18 stairs to my apartment. It’s not fun. And? There’s nothing wrong with being a spoiled princess. If you can get a gig like that, go for it. I’m stuck in the bad part of the Cinderella story. You know, the one where she does all the cleaning and there’s not a glass slipper or pretty dress in sight. But I’ll stop whining. At least we have a gas fireplace and I don’t have cinders in my hair. ROFLMAO. Don’t mind me. It’s OH Wine Thirty.

      Reply

  12. Lisa @ Grandma's Briefs
    Nov 14, 2011 @ 15:56:23

    Oh, geez! You had my mouth watering at the mention of the BBQ smells wafting through the place. I can pass on the sweets, even when hungry, but the deli and the scent of fresh-baked bread…whoa! Watch out. Yeah, I do my best to not go hungry. Actually, I do my best to not go at all because, like Julie, I loathe grocery shopping.

    Reply

    • tsonoda148
      Nov 14, 2011 @ 18:32:58

      Ditto for me. Don’t like grocery shopping. The only time I ever enjoy it is if someone puts on a show while I’m there. In Vegas Wal-Marts, couples like to come to the store to have their fights. I’ve seen hair pulling and blood and ugly fat butt crack and tattoos I would really rather not see. It’s a circus sometimes. Those days I usually don’t stick to my grocery list either. After all, you need snacks to watch the show right? LOL

      Reply

  13. hawleywood40
    Nov 15, 2011 @ 17:39:09

    Love this! I gotta stick with never grocery shopping when hungry though. All the skinny people in my life are those evil sorts who eat what they want and don’t gain weight. They have Twinkie-and-pizza burning mega-metabolisms. If I let them shop for me, I’d be ginormous!

    Reply

  14. Rachel (Totally Ovar It)
    Nov 15, 2011 @ 19:04:50

    I adore you humor! You had me laughing out loud, again. I completely understand the tight budget, then fudging for that half of cake or bottle of wine. *sigh* I truly want to hear you say IN PERSON, “Let’s rock this mutha.” I think I would pee my pants. Love to you!

    Reply

  15. Lorna's Voice
    Nov 16, 2011 @ 06:08:20

    I dislike grocery shopping. Necessary evil. Hunting, gathering, stashing it all away. Of course, I don’t live to eat; I eat to live. It’s the dizzy-nausea thing, not the vain-thing.

    When I found out that Twinkies have a shelf life of 1,000 years, I knew they were probably bad for you. 😉

    Reply

    • tsonoda148
      Nov 16, 2011 @ 15:29:50

      I don’t eat Twinkies anymore. My stomach started sticking out like a shelf. My palette has actually improved somewhat. Oh I still like sweets, but now it’s sweet wines. 😛

      Reply

  16. junemoon
    Nov 16, 2011 @ 20:52:32

    HI-Larious! Your story made me laugh out loud, my friend. Thank you. I needed that. junemoon

    Reply

  17. lbddiaries
    Nov 17, 2011 @ 17:40:42

    I am laughing, laughing, laughing. Wanna know why? ‘Cause yesterday that happened to me except The Deli is in the first aisle as you come in the door. The smoked-liked-it’s-been-in-the-smoker-all-day scent did grab me. It did lead me down the aisle like I was getting married. It did land me right in front of the glass where I pressed my nose and breathed, “Are those PORK ribs?” Beef is the norm. Tough, no meat on the bone beef ribs. “Yes,” she said, “and they are so yummy.” Now my house smells like smoked meat. And those dagnabbed cookies jumped in the cart while I wasn’t looking. Honest. It was the chocolate covered cashews’ fault. I did buy 14 bags of brussel sprouts to make up for it. But brussel sprouts (BS) trump, right/? Yep, BS trumps. Like your story. Loved it beyond belief.

    Reply

    • tsonoda148
      Nov 17, 2011 @ 18:23:40

      14 Bags of Brussel Sprouts. My esophagus is closing up just thinking about it. LMAO You crack me up!
      Hugs, my friend!

      Reply

  18. brunchforeverymeal
    Nov 18, 2011 @ 08:21:21

    ok my favorite thing to do is go to the grocery store hungry and in my hunger madness start opening cookies and chips and eat them in my cart while I shop. Worst part is sheepishly handing the cashier your empty pringles can to ring up when you go to pay.

    Reply

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